


cemetery gates

by serotonus



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Complex relationships, Demon!Ryan, F/M, M/M, Multi, Paranormal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-21 11:51:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2467301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serotonus/pseuds/serotonus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Previously published as "Love N' Madness".)</p><p>Being in love with a demon can be really hard, especially when that demon seems hellbent on making your life a living nightmare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. he came with the wind

“ _Still round the corner there may wait_  
_A new road or a secret gate_  
_And though I oft have passed them by_  
_A day will come at last when I_  
_Shall take the hidden paths that run_  
_West of the Moon, East of the Sun._ ”  
― J.R.R. Tolkien

It was a brisk Monday afternoon when seven year old Gavin Free came face to face with a vengeful spirit.

It didn't feel that different from meeting a living being, if he were to be truthful. Same lips, same body, same hair, if they were all paler than the brightest of moonlight and close to transparent. However, the one difference he noticed almost immediately was the bottomless, black marbles that stared at him coldly in the place of colorful irises. The wild haired British boy looked around at the people who passed them on the crowded street, but not a single person glanced towards them. His breath misted in front of him in the cold, England weather, and he knew he should have continued on past the boy and straight home as his mother told him to do once the days became colder. The boy looked so _interesting_ though. And Gavin hadn't had a playmate since transferring schools a few weeks ago, since no one wanted to bother with the big nosed new kid who arrived almost halfway into the school year.

So Gavin decided to ignore the boy's odd differences, waving a hand in front of his face to grab his attention. The boy, who didn't look much older than him other then being taller and larger, made no movement or reaction to Gavin's friendly wave. Gavin frowned, brow furrowing a bit. _Does he not notice me?_ he thought. He grabbed the strange boy's hand - only to instantly gasp and release it as he felt the coldest chill he had ever felt seep into his lungs, his bones. It gradually began to fade the moment he let go of the boy's hand, but Gavin could still feel the icy whispers in his blood, the frosty winter that had so quickly lodged itself into his heart and soul like an endless, heavy snowdrift. The British boy wanted to run away now, as fast as he possibly could. Gavin's mother had always taught him not to treat people who were different meanly if he could help it, but he didn't know what kind of difference someone could have to make him feel so cold, so dark and helpless from a simple gentle touch.

Just as he was about to side step past the boy and hurry on his way, the boy blinked and looked down at him with those eerie eyes. Gavin involuntarily shivered, but tried to form a sincere smile, however wavery it and his resolve were. "Hi. My name's Gavin," he said softly.

Several seconds passed. Gavin became more and more tense the longer those soulless eyes were fixated on him so emotionlessly. Suddenly, the boy's lips started to move, slowly and silently like ghosts. Then, a voice rose from the darkest corners of Gavin's imagination, the ones in which he was sure the horrifying monsters and creatures of the night lurked in the corners of his basement or underneath his mattress, seemingly speaking from inside of his mind. "...Gavin." He paused. "..Who am I?"

Gavin licked his chapped, dry lips and blinked. "Who are you? I...I don't know. Do you?"

The boy stood as stock still and unnervingly as ever, and Gavin realized he hadn't seen the boy's chest rise and fall at all as normal people's did while they breathed. His shoulders were big and wiry, giving the impression that he would no doubt be broad someday. Hair that Gavin felt should have been sandy blond was diluted to ghostly white blond strands that curled in a messy cowlick on the boy's forehead and scalp, making it look as if the boy hadn't bothered to brush out his morning bed head. "I...I think...I'm...Ryan?" Ryan's words were faint and terribly conflicted. For once, Gavin saw an emotion laid bare on the boy's face; pure and utter confusion.

"Ryan?" The name sounded vaguely familiar to Gavin, but he couldn't figure out why. Pushing his own confusion aside, he smiled more honestly as the taller boy than before. "Well, Ryan, would you like to come play with me? We can play for a few minutes, then I have to get home before my Mom gets mad at me for being late."

Ryan stood motionless again for moments on end, leaving Gavin (with his endlessly impatient nature) hopping from foot to foot as he waited for the boy's response. Finally, he spoke, lip movements again faster than his own pronunciations as Gavin was quickly learning they would always be. "I...I think so." His young voice sounded shaky and hesitant, but Gavin was just happy that he had agreed at all. He went to grab Ryan's hand once again - but stopped centimeters away from it. Grinning nonchalantly to make up for the awkwardness, he ran off of the sidewalk and through a grassy alleyway, towards a wire fence a few yards away. Ryan stared at him without blinking, then began to follow at a surprisingly brisk pace while Gavin waited expectantly by the gate.

"Let's go play in the jungle gym, Ryan!"

*******

Despite his previous strangeness and total reluctance to move or speak more than was necessary, Ryan proved to be a more than competent playmate for Gavin. The British boy at first wanted to play freeze tag, which used to be his favorite game to play with his mates at his old school, but with the haunting memory of the effects of contact with Ryan, he thought it would be best not to play that particular game. Instead, they chased each other around the wooden swing and play sets, Gavin's childish screams and laughter echoing around the playground while Ryan's giggles echoed teasingly inside of Gavin's head. As Ryan chased Gavin around, however, the younger boy started to notice something weird. Gavin may have been scrawny and tiny, but he wasn't quite as weak as he was often assumed to be because of his smallness. He definitely wouldn't seem like a 'prodigy athlete' or anything in anyone's mind, but he was fast and strong for his size and age, enough to have actually impressed some of the kids on his first day at the new school (though they weren't impressed enough to befriend him). So when he raced through the colorful, plastic tunnels and down the slide at the top of the gym, he was almost mortified to find Ryan right next to him the moment he touched gravel.

Then, later when the small brunette was threading his way across the monkey bars, he made sure to glance in all directions and confirm that Ryan was nowhere near him. Satisfied with the distinct lack of any black eyed boys in his vicinity, he dropped down onto the ground and dusted his hands on his pants. When he looked up a second later, Ryan was standing in front of him.

"How in the bloody heck are you doing that?" Gavin cried out indignantly. Ryan shrugged and moved his lips silently.

"I don't know. I guess I must be really fast." The corner of his lips was quirked downwards though, as if there was something he wasn't acknowledging.

Gavin ignored it in favor of gawking at him. "You need to teach me how to get that fast then!" he shouted, throwing his hands up into the air exasperatedly. Ryan simply chuckled, and he laughed as well, throwing his head back - and abruptly stopping.

The sky above had seemingly instantly shifted from a cloudy, nostalgic October grey to a definitely dark and velvety plum and blueberry blanket, that was speckled with sugar white dots and a harvest moon as gold as cider, its brightness only making it more unsettling than ever. Unsettling, beautiful, and dangerous - just as Gavin imagined his Mother would be like as soon as he came home. "Oh no. Oohh noo," Gavin breathed, just barely loudly enough for Ryan to catch wind of. Ryan frowned worriedly, his emotions having slowly become more and more apparent as time went on.

"What's wrong?"

Gavin swallowed and tried not to squeak as he spoke, "Well, I was supposed to be home _ages_ ago and now my Mum is going to be _really_ mad, and I probably won't get to play any of my games all today and tomorrow, and-and-" Without another word, Gavin raced off, leaving a very confused and somber Ryan.

"Hey. W...wait, Gavin!" He yelled, hurrying to catch up to the smaller boy. As soon as Gavin reached the fence's gate, he turned around to find his new friend staring at him just like he had when they first met, only now he could clearly see sorrow etched in the boy's obsidian marbles.

"Why are you afraid? Why are you running from me? Are you afraid of _me_?" Ryan asked with a hiccup, ebony holes shinier than ever.

Without thinking, Gavin ran forward and hugged his friend as tightly as he could. "No! No, of course not, Rye-bread!" he cried out, both in denial and slight pain. The grotesque, winter teeth he had forgotten about gnawed their way in sharp snake bites throughout his body again, but he still gripped the other boy's shirt in his tiny fists defiantly, refusing to let his fear overcome him. Ryan, completely taken aback by the sudden contact, held his arms up almost as if in defense. When he realized what Gavin was doing, though, he let his arms drop, before slowly embracing the other boy back just as tightly. Gavin couldn't feel the arms wrapping around him, as he was completely numb, but he sensed an increase in the intense chill and knew. A minute passed. Two. Finally, Gavin let go of Ryan and simply breathed, frosty breaths creating a fine veil around his face. He felt drained and empty, as if someone had pricked his veins and stolen all of the life out of him. "I just...I just need to go home, Ryan. Right now. I'm already in a lot of trouble, I bet." His thin shoulders tensed, causing Ryan to frown even deeper than before.

"But don't you want to stay with me, Gav? We can still play in the jungle gym and swing on the swings and-"

Gavin sighed. "I can't, Ryan. Doesn't your mom get mad at you when you're late getting home from school?"

Ryan squinted, as if he were deep in thought about something. His eyes widened. "I...no...nonononono..." he muttered, gaze locked on something behind Gavin. Gavin spun around, but there was nothing there aside from the empty street and a few suburban houses lit up like warm beacons in the cold October night.

"W-what's wrong, Ryan? What are you looking at?" he whispered.

"I just...just need more time, that's it. It'll all be okay, I'll be safe, I can get out, just a little more time, come on, please," he rambled on in similar low nonsense, oblivious to the world around him, oblivious to Gavin's frightened questions and his fear-filled forest eyes. Until the shorter child snatched his hand again.

That was when all hell broke loose.

Gavin screamed in pure pain and shock the instant his fingers touched Ryan's, the smooth palm that was so icy before now scorching his fingers like a hot iron, fiery lightning bolts that danced on his pale skin with roaring amounts of hurt. He instinctively threw himself away from Ryan, looking down at his hand. He screeched, this time in horror at the sight of the burnt, mutilated digits. Ryan stepped forward, and Gavin took a step back. The older boy's eyes held no recognition, the shininess of unshed tears from before now having become a swirling portal of fiery brimstone and darkness.

"LET. ME. _OUT!_ " Ryan screamed, rage filled voice reverberating inside of Gavin's head and soul like the swings of a spike tipped hammer. Gavin fell backwards and onto the frost laced ground, frightened and erratic thoughts repeating one phrase, _"Get away from him!"_. He couldn't think beyond that, so he continued to scoot backwards on the icy ground while Ryan relentlessly moved towards him at the same pace. Ryan - ghostly, barely there with his quiet voice and even quieter eyes but _so entirely_ there with his giggles and his smiles - was actually _glowing_. Light from fire, from stars and nebulae, from lava that pooled around his feet and flames that licked his heels and the rest of his body. He was powerful, he was terrifying; he was death incarnate. And Gavin was in his way. "Stay...stay away from me," the small boy all but whimpered out, sobbing as he felt his throat close up and salty drops slip down his face. Somewhere, a dog barked, and sirens wailed repetitively, but everything was so far away. So distant, compared to the god, no, devil, that stood in front of him.

Just as suddenly as it all began, however, Gavin's vision started to fade to pitch-black, the last things his senses were aware of being the creature with hell in its eyes above him filling every corner of his vision, along with the nearby, muted wails of cars and screeching of rubber tires on gritty pavement.

_Why did you do this, Ryan? Why?_


	2. i swear on your grave (fingers crossed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (just because you can run from the devil doesn't mean he won't find you someday.)

“ _April is the cruelest month, breeding_  
_lilacs out of the dead land, mixing_  
_memory and desire, stirring_  
_dull roots with spring rain._ ”  
― T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land

The second time Gavin met him, he was in the middle of a lesson in his tenth year science class, having moved to America a year or so ago due to one of his father's (now almost routine) job transfers. They had started almost as soon as he started school and still hadn't stopped - but funnily enough, they never seemed to get any easier for him. The teacher - Mr. Sorola or something other - was droning on about atoms and how they made up so many things they couldn't ever possibly imagine and more details that Gavin had tuned out at least twenty minutes ago. He was thoroughly focused on scribbling in his notebook, more of the usual dumb doodles and curly typography (interspersed with an old friend's silly drawings and jokes) that filled the pages far more than notes or actual schoolwork ever did. Suddenly, Gavin realized he needed to use the bathroom. Waiting until there a small lull in Mr. Sorola's lecture, he raised his hand. "Can I use the restroom?" Gavin asked after he was flippantly pointed at.

The curly haired teacher half-smirked. "I dunno, can you?"

Gavin pursed his lips and resisted the instinct to sigh or snap back. " _May_ I use the restroom, sir?" Okay, so maybe he couldn't hold back just one sarcastic 'sir'.

Mr. Sorola gave him a slightly vexed look that said he had noticed exactly what he had done, but he pointed to the hall pass anyways. "Be back in five minutes."

Gavin nodded and headed out of the room hurriedly as the man resumed talking, tapping the tiny wooden board with the words "Hall Pass" etched onto it against his thigh as he walked out into the corridor. There was no one else wandering the quiet halls - not even a staff member - which Gavin found a bit odd, but he didn't dwell on it too much with his current issue at hand. Reaching the boys' bathroom, Gavin pushed open the heavy metal door and strolled in, subconsciously wrinkling his nose some as he did. Public restrooms were never the most sanitary or pleasant of places to be, but there was something distinctly unappealing about school ones, where profanity and crude Sharpie drawings dominated any and all writable surfaces, and the scents of either tobacco or cigarette smoke lingered long after the culprits had disappeared. Gavin did his business in a stall, then glanced at his lanky self in the cracked mirror above the sink as he washed his hands. He used to feel more or less depressed when he thought about how he never really grew as large or as beefy as most of the other boys in his year, but eventually, he grew not to care as much (or to show it at least). He was often compared to a scarecrow, with his scraggly beanpole stature and sloppy honey and bark colored locks that had to be cut at least once a month if he actually wanted his river green eyes to be visible. When Gavin finished drying his hands and turned away from the mirror, someone was there.

"It's...you," he breathed out, too shocked to do anything else.

_He_ looked almost the same as last time, if not for the fact that he had seemed to grow just as Gavin had, impossibly. He looked more similar to the boys in Gavin's grade than Gavin did, at a considerably tall 6" even and built not unlike a football player, muscular stature and all. No matter how much his 'physical' features looked like a regular teenager's, however, Gavin couldn't be fooled again. Not when the bathroom's dim fluorescent lighting only highlighted the demon's whispery, pale details. "Hey. Long time no see, huh?" Something like a grin, except much less, flitted across Ryan's face.

Gavin stared at him for a long moment. Then his body somehow managed to shake in and out a breath, chest heaving and nostrils flaring. He wanted to close his eyes, to turn away, to run from this apparition once again - but he couldn't. Because he knew this was too real to be a dream. Because he knew Ryan would only come back again, like he had been dreaming of for the past nine years, only to have stopped mentioning the recurring nightmares a long time ago when a therapist suggested a mental hospital to his parents. Gavin vaguely wondered what his second childhood therapist would think now if he saw what was happening. "So, are you going to just stand there and stare at me, or are you gonna ask why I'm here?" The demon seemed bored - no, impatient even. His hands were stuffed in his jean pockets, posture slouched slightly and light sandy hair hanging over his forehead, and it took Gavin a second to realize why the simplest of gestures disturbed him so much. They were unbelievably natural, human like; too much so.

He swallowed nervously, finding himself unable to take his eyes away from the taller boy's own, as dark and soulless as they were. At least he knew those hadn't changed into strange, unnatural imitations of...what once was. Or what could have been. "I know why you're here already, Ryan. You're here to kill me."

Ryan paused, eyes trained on the nothing past Gavin. "Is that what I'm here to do?" he murmured, making Gavin notice yet another difference as compared to last time; Ryan's deep voice, while it still felt as if it came from the corners of his mind, was now in sync with his lips.

"I would think so, considering what you did last time." Flashes of fire and darkness instantly cannoned across Gavin's vision at his own words, and he had to subtly pinch himself on his arm until he bled in order to stay calm and focus on the scene in front of him. He hadn't had to use the trick his fourth therapist taught him in ages. Yet here it was, at the forefront of his mind. All because of him. Gavin grit his teeth until he felt a sharp pain on the right side of his mouth, and tasted even more shed blood.

"What I did..." Ryan's eyes became glossier, probably as close to glazed over as Gavin thought they could get. Then the demon shook his head, dispelling some thought from his mind before he spoke again; what exactly, Gavin had no idea. "I can't really apologize honestly for that, but I will say I'm sorry, even though it was mostly your faul-"

"How was that my fault?!" If Gavin were calmer, he may have realized that interrupting a demon wasn't the best action in his situation. He had already felt disconnected from reality the moment he saw Ryan standing before him, though, and a searing fireball of rage had thrown itself out of his mouth in a disbelieved squawk before he could stop it.

Ryan didn't even seem to notice though. "I'm not here to kill you."

Gavin almost snorted, despite the very real fear he could feel climbing up and around the belly of his ribs, filling in all of the little hollows and crevices in a silent heavy torrent. He had to get out of there - before it threatened to consume the rest of him as well. "Then why else would you be here? To hurt me even more? I moved to a different country, for God's sake!"

Ryan attempted to shrug nonchalantly, but it looked much too stiff on his broad, tee shirt clad shoulders. "Traveling isn't a big deal for demons...if you remember. What I'm actually here for is..." He paused, seeming to collect his thoughts carefully. Gavin's eyes wandered cautiously to the gray metal door behind him. Maybe if he moved just fast enough, somehow..."...well, I need your help."

Gavin's gaze snapped back to Ryan with the speed of a jackhammer, the demon grumbling something else under his breath. Those weren't the words Gavin had locked onto though. "You need my help?"

"I-yeah. Yeah, I do. And I know you're not the best person to ask, but-"

"No no, wait, stop." Gavin shook his head forcefully and raised a finger to point it directly at Ryan's head. "What makes you think that I'm going to help you anyways? You, of all people! You ruined my childhood! You-" He stopped, almost all of the hysteria draining out of him instantly at the look on Ryan's face. Pure, unadulterated darkness. His stomach clenched, a warning signal. His entire body was frozen, blood stilled, veins cold and quiet. Again.

"First of all, _Gavin_ ," Ryan practically spit out his name with an irritated growl, as if it were poison on his tongue. "You're not in a position to decline. I'm faster than you and more powerful than you. Which you should already know, but if you need a little refresher, you don't have to ask. So instead of being an ass, maybe you could just try doing what you need to do and not biting the wolf back." Gritty gray and venom violet storm clouds swirled within tar black pools, and Gavin could only nod the slightest bit, mutely.

If he were being honest with himself, he would have at least internally acknowledged that perhaps he was somewhat genuinely curious as to what Ryan wanted of him, especially nine years after what had last occurred between them. But Gavin wasn't, so he equated it to being forced to ignore his anger in the face of 'survival', however much he despised doing so. Ryan stared at him for another minute with an odd look in his eyes, but seemed mostly satisfied with the effects of his words. He turned around and strolled towards the bathroom door.

"Wait up!" Gavin called. Ryan's hand stopped just above the door handle and he raised an eyebrow. Gavin's eyebrows furrowed. "...Where the hell are you even going?"

"Outside. I'll be waiting for you by the back door."

Gavin's eyes widened. "What? What am I supposed to do about class? I can't just leave in the middle of the day-"

Ryan interrupted the sputtering British boy before he could get another word in, "You'll figure it out, I'm sure of it." A grin that Gavin just knew was pure sardonicism bloomed on Ryan's lips before he swept open the door. A blink later, and he was gone.

Gavin stood there for far too long without really realizing it, staring hopelessly at the blemished milk white and cream tile floor. Then he sighed with the finality of a dying man and snatched the hall pass from the counter, already compiling his thoughts as he tried to imagine how he was going to explain to his parents and the school why he left near the end of the day without so much as an explanation. _If you don't die first, that is._ The darker corners of his mind reminded him, a heavy drum pound amid the small measured pats of his scattered thoughts. As he walked down the empty hallways with a deep set frown on his face and the pitter-patter of his light converse clad footsteps echoing solemnly against the faded brick walls, a down spiraling sort of sadness softly set in and reminded Gavin of what it felt like to be all alone in the world.

*******

Stepping out into the slightly frigid outdoors, Gavin breathed in the rain scented spring air with reckless abandon and tried not to frown so much, despite the weight continuously pressing down on his heart. If there was one thing he was grateful for no matter what situation he was in, it was that winter always had to end at some point, whether he was somewhere in Europe or in one of the States. "What are you doing?" Without warning, Ryan appeared next to him, a sudden looming figure in his peripheral vision. The more Gavin observed him, the more he wondered how his younger self hadn't noticed how blurry Ryan was, like giant raindrops and gray-scale paint strokes messily strewn and blended together into some sort of human like form.

Gavin sighed wearily. "Just stopping to sniff the roses and that sort of thing, y'know. It's pretty top out today, actually."

Ryan stared at him for a bit, then turned away and started to stroll forwards. "Well, we don't have time for that, unfortunately. Or for anything else like it. So come on."

"You're a demon. I'm sure you have like an eternity or something to waste if you wanted." Gavin dearly wanted to roll his eyes as he followed the ghostly boy across the huge football field and towards the suitcase-sized sidewalk hidden behind the other side of bleachers. He was forced to trot to keep up with Ryan's faster and longer gait (even though it was clearly slowed down a lot for his sake). Dew covered grass attempted to cling to his sneakers with soft, wet rustles.

"...Not as long as you would like to think."

Gavin frowned as he finally caught up to the boy, but said nothing else as they stepped onto smooth pavement next to quiet roads. He wanted to ask more questions than he could even think of, but he had a feeling that his answers were the farthest things from Ryan's mind right then. Besides, he realized, he just needed to get this done and over with as fast as possible; before something happened. Before what he had been fearing for the past nine years came true. Over thirty minutes of near silence (save for the occasional car or passersby) and walking passed before Gavin could figure out where they were going. The two had been wandering around town with no set path that he could really determine (in fact, he was sure they went in a complete circle at one point), but when they neared the edge of town and came upon an empty street lined only by a couple of severely dilapidated buildings and a small dirt path, his attitude changed visibly.

Gavin wouldn't be the first to admit that he had maybe secretly been a bit glad and excited before, both to get out of school and to go on a sort of 'adventure', even if it was undoubtedly dangerous. Now, however, a cold and twisting thorn of dread curled around and inside of his heart, meticulously and ruthlessly. The swirling omens inside of his stomach forced him to speak for the first time in almost an hour. "Why are we going to a place like this?" He kicked a pebble away as they turned onto the narrow dirt path leading away from the main street. Greener than normally green trees started to envelop the path more and more as they wandered on, until the sky quickly became a patchwork earthen blanket, with only a few pinpricks of ice colored light illuminating the dark ground below. Gavin barely felt the first drops of a gentle, warm spring time drizzle lazily drip through canopy holes and onto his chilled bare arms.

It was eerily quiet, yet he almost missed the hushed whisper thrown in his direction. "There's something important here. Something that I need your help with in order to figure out." Ryan didn't look any happier or more willing to explain, but Gavin would take what he could get. It wasn't long before they reached an old battered, rusted through gate, the kind that had obviously seen better days but still looked faintly beautiful with its delicate spirals and artistically twisted metal. Ryan waited until Gavin was next to him to grunt and push the gate open, the hinges squeaking so loudly Gavin was positive that they should have come off. When Gavin moved ahead and eventually managed to sweep aside some of the tangled foliage in their path, a mass of graves greeted them.

Two years ago, Gavin had come to this quiet little graveyard with a friend and his family. Not for a person newly dead, but for one who's life still managed to echo both joyfully and painfully in the hearts of others. Gavin was grateful he hadn't known the person, in a way, but he was more glad that his friend hadn't known the man very well either. "Don't worry, he's mostly just a distant relative to me. Thanks for coming though," Gavin could remember him whispering just before they left for the cemetery. He also remembered the family's sullen faces, their vulnerable, misty eyes and how they were silent not because of an oath to respectful quietness, but because of throats clogged with the sole remnants of the man's life - memories of moments that would never be added to or occur ever again. Gavin thought that he must feel similar to how they felt now. Or maybe he was more like his friend's uncle, once again just a boy, faced with the prospect of his deathbed closer than he ever imagined, than anyone ever imagined.

Tombstones of every variety - from tiny ivy strewn stones crumbled like forgotten dwarf sized mountains, to mineral decorated, elegant mausoleums larger than Gavin's bedroom - littered the field. Despite the considerable overgrowth surrounding the cemetery, there was now no barrier to shield Gavin and Ryan from the feather like raindrops falling from the peony blue sky above them, plucking at their bare skin relentlessly. Most graveyard plots were squeezed onto the few unused, tiny hills and bumpy, hidden acres of land that town committees could find, but this cemetery was once an old farmer's grazing field, eventually 'revamped' for better purposes. The incredible flatness of it all and the wide, open sky above made Gavin feel as if he and Ryan had stepped into their own distant, surreal world. Maybe they had, in a way. It wasn't as if Gavin had much time to reflect on it, however, with Ryan moving fast and already weaving his way around the stone markers. "Hey, wait up!" Gavin called out, hurrying to slosh through the quicksand like mud with countless pulls, twists, and frustrated curses. He dared a glance backwards, but saw nothing and no one other than the two of them. _Why is that bastard in such a rush? What does he have to be afraid of?_ Gavin thought to himself wearily. Dirt and mud slapped against his ankles and icy precipitation slowly slid down his cheeks, a cold reminder of where he was and what he was undertaking. What he had to be afraid of.

When Gavin neared Ryan on the other end of the field, Ryan was in front of a tombstone separate from all of the others, despite not looking very unique in any way. He didn't turn around, but Gavin could hear him asking, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just...just need to catch my breath," Gavin gasped as he leaned over and panted, hands on knees and chilled air billowing in and out of his parted lips. He expected Ryan to snort at his exhaustion or go back to doing whatever he was doing, but instead he turned around and stared at him for a while with an almost concerned expression. Until Gavin stood back up, that is. Then, Gavin thought Ryan's face looked too suddenly lost and forgotten, not at all unlike a lonely child's as the demon's eyes took in the tombstone before him.

It was then that Gavin wondered if Ryan had eventually been ignored or forgotten sometime after his death, as many people were at a certain point in time when those who held the memories they had shared didn't pass them on in words or stories. Only, instead of living in some happy eternal paradise like Ryan was supposed to, here he was. Wandering the remnants of a life no longer there and a world that he had no claim to anymore. If he had belonged at all in the first place. "This is my grave," Ryan's voice cut into Gavin's thoughts like a harsh spear. His hazel eyes flew over the backpack sized block of stone in front of him, and he almost exhaled with relief.

It wasn't as decrepit or stained as he thought it might be, although it was still clearly old. There was a beautiful - albeit almost wilted - bouquet of flowers laying against it, and a few small lines of carved writing in tragically elegant font. "James Ryan Haywood, 1980-1987. A boy who died far too young, far too early. May he rest in peace," Gavin quietly muttered without realizing it. His mind was retracing and tripping over its own thoughts to try to make sense of what was going on. There was one thing that stuck out above everything else, though. He turned to Ryan. "You died 16 years ago?"

Ryan was silent at first, but he nodded just when Gavin thought he was never going to respond. "Yeah. This was my hometown, once upon a time."

Gavin frowned and brushed aside a sandy lock of hair that had gotten plastered to his forehead. He was practically soaked through to the bone now, but he didn't care. "But if you died here, then why were you in England nine years ago?"

"I...That's why we're here." Ryan breathed heavily, actually breathed. "I need to find out if it's true. If what that kid said would work."

Gavin's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you on about now?" Then he looked over at Ryan with wide eyes. "This isn't like some bloody satanic ritual or something, is it?"

"Not...exactly." Ryan sighed. "I just want to try something out, if you'll let me. I promise it will make sense later. Maybe." He scratched the back of his neck nervously, and it took Gavin a second too long to figure out what Ryan was doing.

He was giving Gavin a choice. A self made decision to either agree with whatever the hell he had in mind and perhaps get some answers, or to back out and be left with a probably safe, but answer less existence. Either way, he made the choice though. Which, he realized, was definitely not what he had been given when Ryan arrived a couple of hours ago. Before he could stop it, an odd thought popped into Gavin's head. _Ryan...hasn't changed much at all, has he? He's still secretly just a kid, like any other teenager. One who died when he was younger and probably didn't experience a lot of normal kid stuff, maybe, but still a kid, in a way._ An unexpected flower of emotion blossomed in the center of Gavin's heart. It wasn't an entirely foreign sensation to him though; instead, it felt more like a past, forgotten flame suddenly rekindled in force.

"Alright then. I'll help you," Gavin said, his own voice sounding distant and far away from him. As if somebody else, somebody more brave and kind than he, were using his body. He almost wished he could always be this person.

Ryan's soulless eyes went wide and he blinked, obviously shocked. "I-are you sure? It might be dangerous."

Gavin took a deep breath. "I'm as sure as I'll ever be, I think. Besides, it can't be much more dangerous than talking with a demon and following them into the deep, dark woods." He grinned at the slight chuckle he had managed to get from Ryan. "So what exactly is it we need to do?" Logic was telling him that this was an absolutely god awful idea and that he was going to get himself almost killed again, or worse. But something in his heart had changed, in those moments when he saw Ryan's face vulnerable and lonely and heard him hesitate to demand something of him, however small it was. It only grew as he observed Ryan's somehow sorrowful eyes, and those huge hands that could probably squash melons instead hanging pliant at his sides, so uninsured. Gavin had never been good at ignoring what his heart demanded of him, and others. Or even capable of, for that matter. Besides, how much worse could things get?

Ryan's eyes - the eternally blank, ebony pools that Gavin knew so well - had a too bright shine to them. His mouth opened moments before he spoke, but Gavin knew it wasn't because his body and mind weren't in sync. Ryan had been observing Gavin as if he had never seen him before, to the point where he seemed to forget that Gavin was waiting for a response. When the words eventually tumbled from his mouth, his voice sounded like the complete opposite of how he had looked earlier; beyond sure, completely centered. "I have a theory, about the two of us. When I...around when my death occurred and I had only just became a spirit, I didn't really have much control. If I ever felt emotions at all, they were only ever confusion, anger, and sadness, and even then...I didn't have any idea as to why I felt what I was feeling. To be honest, I don't actually remember many of those first few years.

"Then, the darkness suddenly began to disappear. I don't know how I ended up all of the way in England, of all places. But all I know is that, when I ran into you, when you looked at me and _spoke_ to me so kindly, everything changed." Ryan's eyes were intense on Gavin's, and Gavin found himself incapable of looking away, although he would normally shrink at such a meaningful look.

"How...did it change?" He found himself asking when the silence stretched for a few seconds too long and his fingers began twitching anxiously.

Ryan licked his lips, seemingly pondering it over. "It...well, for one, I don't believe I had ever run into someone who could see me before, much less tried to speak to me. It was a huge shock to my dulled senses. I wasn't sure of what was going on, but something deep inside of me somehow managed to respond to you, something I hadn't remembered in a long, long time. And as we talked more and played together, as I laughed and you smiled so softly, my mind...became clearer." Ryan paused for a second, eyes shiny, but he pushed on. "I was unstable, though. That lack of memory, those muddled emotions were all that was keeping me from going berserk. It was like my mind knew that I wouldn't be able to handle remembering the last, painful moments of my life. But you reminded me of life, and all of the happiness and loveliness that it is. Which, of course, eventually led to the inevitable." Voice having gone to a mere bell like whisper, Ryan's body shook.

Gavin immediately went to reach out for him, but stopped. Because he remembered. Just like Ryan. The memories had always been vivid in his mind, or so he thought. Sometimes, when the sky was darkest and he was all alone in his room, mind wandering to places it shouldn't be, he swore he could feel horrendous, phantom burns on his delicate hands. When he looked down, though, there was only ever pale, ugly scarred flesh. And of course, there were slightly muddled flashbacks that had threatened to overwhelm him on countless occasions, especially when he was younger and the events had always felt like they had happened just yesterday. With the living (or existing) proof of his nightmares right in front of him, with Ryan's gravelly words and too emotional, coal black eye sockets, the images and sounds and atmosphere and feelings began to surface completely and utterly in Gavin's mind, as if they had been in a swirling pool of muddy water suddenly rid of dirt and turned crystal clear.

His heart bled profusely, and he choked on the blood of memories. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, but that doesn't change what happened, I know. I...definitely know."

Wavery smile stretching paper dry lips, Gavin licked them unconsciously. His vision was quickly becoming blurry, as if it were an unfocused camera lenses. His body still felt frozen, mini mountain goosebumps raising on his eggshell skin and teeth close to chattering, though winter was long past. Invisible icicles dug through his flesh and into his insides silently. Yet he moved forward. When Gavin began to walk towards Ryan, the demon held up his hands as if in defense. "Please...don't. I..."

Gavin didn't listen. Instead, he crept further forward. Between Ryan's immobile hands, towards his broad chest. Carefully, ever so gently, he lifted his thin arms and encircled the larger boy in a tight hug. And there he found himself and cried.

 

*******

 

"Gavin." Silence. "...Gavin, _please_. You need to get up."

Eyes like shady forests slowly opened. Gavin gulped loudly. His eyes and face were dry, but his throat still felt filled with things he didn't understand. The rain had stopped some time ago, and his clothes stuck to his skin like wet rags. He was too numb to notice though. Gavin hadn't paid much attention to the time passing, or really anything around him by the time he had lain against Ryan's wide chest. It was odd, how Ryan no longer felt like the dead of winter, but more like a gentle, spring breeze. He wondered what had changed. When Gavin finally managed to lift his head from the blue mass of tee shirt he had practically burrowed into, he was greeted by the mystically beautiful sight of twilight descending over the treetops and onto the graveyard, creating rose petal shimmers on the stone surfaces of tombstones and deep grape shadows splayed across the dim earth.

Ryan was looking at him with startlingly emotional blue-ish eyes, thick arms still hanging loosely around Gavin's waist. Gavin hadn't even noticed that they had sat down in the cool grass next to Ryan's grave at some point, and he watched absently as a light wind rustled fading flowers and blades of grass against his bare calves. Dry spots of mud were caked to his denim jeans, but he was not going to be thinking about how he was going to get the stains out anytime soon. "Are you alright now?" Ryan's voice was a lovely wavery cadence, and Gavin almost wanted to laugh at how scared he had been of someone who could have such a light and worried voice before, even if it was for good reason then.

Gavin closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. "Yeah. I think I might be." For the first time in a long time, he actually meant it.

Ryan still searched Gavin's eyes for something else, but he seemed to calm at the sincerity in the boy's voice. "Do you...wanna hear more about that theory now?"

Gavin nodded. Ryan coughed a little. "Right. So, nine years ago, you sort of...'awakened' my soul, I guess you could put it. Most people would think nothing of running into a spirit, because we're led to believe that people getting attacked and sometimes killed by demonic spirits is actually common. But in this case..." Ryan almost hesitated, but Gavin waved impatiently for him to go on. "I think it did something to our spirits. Like we're connected or something."

Gavin suddenly raised a hand. "Wait. Stop. So you're saying that, because little seven year old me happened to play with a child like demon as yourself, might have actually dragged the...'demon-ness' out of you, and that made your soul connect to mine or something?" When Ryan nodded, Gavin shook his head in disbelief. "No way. Ryan, that's what a bloody _pleb_ would say."

Ryan frowned deeply, and his eyes went unfocused a bit with thought. Then, he stood up and gestured with his arms at the space around them. "Look all around us, Gavin, and _think about it_. How else do you just happen to be in the place where I grew up in and where I died when I find you again? How else was my spirit attracted to you this time, just from a strong feeling in my chest that I thought I might as well follow? Call it fate, call it pure coincidence, or whatever you want! But no matter what, we're here with each other again, Gavin. And I want to see if that means anything."

A silent minute passed. Then two. Finally, Gavin took a deep breath. He had already been forced to take in a lot of strange information over just the past few hours, and adding on to that pile with more revelations was _not_ helping his frazzled mind exactly think clearly. "Okay. Okay. I think I understand what you're saying. For the most part," he mumbled. As Gavin slowly got to his feet, he remembered something. "How do you plan to prove this possible 'connection' though?" he added.

For the first time in - well, Gavin realized, about nine years maybe - he saw Ryan smiled. He had forgotten how nice that easy grin looked, and he would have pondered why he had such a strange thought in the first place, but Ryan's words intrigued him more at the moment. "It's pretty simple, actually. All you need to do is drip a tiny bit of your blood onto me." His eyebrows furrowed. "Or...maybe I'm supposed to let mine drip on you? To be honest, the guy that told me about this trick wasn't completely clear, and I'm not sure if I can really _bleed_ anyways, but..."

Gavin would have loved to wager a debate on that interesting question, but something else was prodding at his mind, insistently and annoyingly. Something that, for whatever reason, gave him a slight sinking feeling. "You said some guy told you about this trick to prove the connection right? How could someone else see and talk to you?"

"I was just as surprised as you are, honestly. You and Ray are the only ones I've ran into who have been able to do that, for whatever reason. Get this though - he's a _demon hunter_. Yet he didn't immediately attack me." Ryan rubbed his chin. "I mean, he still interrogated me as if I were on the FBI's Most Wanted list, but after I told him everything, he was willing to help me."

Gavin barely heard most of what Ryan had said, however. "Don't trust him." The hasty, darkness laced words tumbled out of his mouth with no warning.

Ryan gave him an utterly confused look, but then understanding seemed to dawn on him. "Oh, because he's a demon hunter? Yeah, I said the same thing to him, but you know what he said? He said, 'This is what's best for him. And you.' So firmly, almost as if he knew you somehow." There was a curious tone to Ryan's voice, but he was also giving Gavin a calculating once over, as if his clenched fists and tense stance might hold the answers to his questions.

"That's because he does." Ryan turned around. Gavin moved slightly to look past him, and his heart beat furiously, though not in excitement or happiness. More so dread. No more than ten feet away from them, stood a boy with skin as dark as maple wood and a slightly slouched posture. Short, curly locks of chocolate brown hair poked out from his raised hood and over banged up glasses. His hands were stuffed inside of the pockets of a worn and faded purple jacket. Despite his harshly spoken words, the boy looked incredibly relaxed, almost reverently so. Or, he would have to anyone other than Gavin and a select few others. Gavin was able to recognize the few almost hidden signs there were that showed whenever Ray Narvaez Jr. was anything other than completely chill, and Gavin could tell from the other boy's tightly set lips and bunched up fabric on the outside of his jacket pockets that Ray was definitely pissed.

Ryan pursed his lips. "This is why I wanted to hurry earlier. Because I had to tell him where we would be in order to get the info from him, and I was pretty sure he would come here and try to kill me anyways."

Ray's mouth quirked at the corners before he burst into laughter. "Hey, at least you were smart enough to guess that. I thought for sure you were too focused on your task to notice my real intentions, what with that determined expression on your face. Ah well, not like it matters now of course."

Gavin could barely feel his blood running through his body. "Why are you here, Ray?" he asked, though his voice was barely a whisper.

Ray looked over from Ryan to Gavin, and Gavin was faintly shocked at how much his gaze softened. His eyes melted like chocolate butter. "I have to be here, Gavin. Whether you like it or not. I have to kill this monster." He gave a chest shaking, hoarse cough into his left elbow, before continuing, "Don't you of all people understand why I have to do this?"

"Ray...I..." Gavin shook his head furiously, as if to clear his mind of what he was sure had to be a hallucination in front of him. Ray left a long time ago. For reasons he didn't care enough to explain to me. _How could he be here right now? How?_ Gavin's mind shouted. He knew he had to say something, to respond, but none of them expected to hear what came out of his mouth, including him. "You can't kill him, Ray. You bloody can't."

Ray's expression morphed into horrified bafflement. "Why not, Gavin? He hurt you. He tried to _kill_ you. And now he's back again, to do the exact same thing I'm sure. Or wor-"

"That's not true," Ryan managed to quietly break in. The blackness of his eyes was gone, and they were now the color of faint mist above a gray lake. "I swear that's not tru-"

" _You_ , need to shut up before I-"

"Guys!"

Ray had been quickly moving towards Ryan as if he meant to punch the demon in the face, but both boys turned around at Gavin's scream. Ryan looked relieved, yet worried, and Ray still had a gruff air of violence around him. Gavin tried to breathe, but it was too quickly becoming much too difficult for him. This kind of inability to breathe felt different from being clogged with tears as he was used to; it felt more like asphyxiation. His feet felt as if they were about to collapse on him, and his mint green eyes were probably bulging in their sockets. Yet he still just barely managed to get out what he needed to say. "Ryan had his own reasons for what he did, Ray. And at least he's trying to make up for it now, unlike you."

Gavin could see Ray's eyes widen in a split second with frustrated sorrow, then instantly change into frightened concern. He also could have sworn he saw Ryan yell something and run towards him before the earth rose up to meet him. What should have been a hard impact by all laws was not felt at all, save for an unbelievable softness that Gavin felt his hand land on. So soft; it was petal soft, really. A faded bouquet of light cyclamens, springtime chrysanthemums and sunset pink carnations.

The last action Gavin was aware of was his fingers moving ever so slightly among the dead stems to feel their lovely gentleness. Then, he dreamed a dream of dreams.


	3. he has my heart (i think he stole it from you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you can't bring a knife to a gun battle  
> unless  
> (unless you stab it in their heart)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all of the comments and stuff last chapter! ;v; They really mean a lot! These chapters are getting longer and longer, and I'm honestly not completely sure what I'm doing, but hopefully you guys enjoy it nonetheless.  
> 

“ _As it has been said:_  
_Love and a cough_  
_cannot be concealed._  
_Even a small cough._  
_Even a small love._ ”  
― Anne Sexton

Sugar white, powder like snow fell from a blueberry blanket of night sky and onto barren tree branches, coating them like a thick layer of frosting. The ivory spiders' legs were curling around and stabbing out into the great dark, star filled midnight sky and creaking in the winter wind. The air was chilly and crisp, like autumn and its fallen leaves, but the atmosphere around the two boys held a different, quieter kind of warmth. Gavin breathed out as slowly as possible as he lay in a drift of snow, watching shaky tendrils of his misty breath fade into the speckled stars and moon far above. It was rare that he felt so connected to the universe, and even more so that he felt such peace with himself at any long period of time. It wasn't nearly as surprising as it used to be for him, though. A lot of new and wonderful things had been happening around him lately, for one reason.

A soft, warm hand found Gavin's in his coat pocket, and a smile curled upon his lips immediately. His freezing fingers sought to intertwine with the other's immediately, and they stayed like that for some time. Twisted together and held tightly, cold flesh against burning flesh. "I love moments like this," The boy next to Gavin spoke quietly, breaking the comfortable silence. Gavin turned his head to look at the boy, rustling fabric in his ear and snow beside his flushed face. A corner of his lips was still quirked pleasantly.

"Me too. I wish we could stay like this forever, and not have to go to bloody _school_ tomorrow," Gavin scowled slightly as he spoke.

The other boy's eyes twinkled as he chuckled lowly. Gavin thought the irises looked like gorgeous sunshine secrets, inklings of liquid gold infused with pure, rustic copper. He felt familiar butterflies swirl inside his chest at that small, happy laughter. The good kind. Suddenly, a sprinkle sized snowflake drifted down onto the bridge of his nose. Gavin blinked, then felt his cheeks turn a warm, cherry pink when the boy next to him smiled and gently wiped the snow away. Then he groaned in irritation when his nose was flicked.

"I knew your nose was huge, but I didn't think you could catch snowflakes with it." Musical laughter tumbled out of the boy again, and while Gavin was still entranced by it, he was mostly annoyed with the source of it.

Gavin rolled his eyes playfully. "Oh, shut it, Ray. My nose isn't even that big."

Ray pretended to rub his chin thoughtfully. "Sure, sure, whatever you say... _but_ , to be fair, I'm pretty sure an entire hill of ants could probably use your nostrils for shel-" He was cut off when Gavin suddenly and 'stealthily' rolled on top of him, using his arms to pin Ray's arms to his sides and the same with their legs. "Wow. I sure am in a pickle now, aren't I." Ray deadpanned. A chorus of amused giggles vibrated on his shoulder pleasantly.

Ray attempted to sit up, but the weight of Gavin's body was still too much despite his scrawny looks. Ray eventually gave up and grunted, letting his body go slack on the vanilla covered earth. "By God! Has the mighty X-Ray finally been defeated once and for all? By his own _partner_ , the great and dashing Vav! Oh, the horror!" Gavin melodramatically gasped, while Ray tried his damnedest not to break into a grin. "Who will save the defeated X-Ray now?!"

Gavin raised his arms and swiveled his head around as if to gaze around a wide audience and Ray seized his chance, deftly shoving a soon squawking Gavin off of his near limp body and getting up onto his feet. Almost instantly, moisture seeped into his clothes and his skin, and he missed the warmth Gavin's body had provided so close to his. "I see how it is," he muttered mockingly. There was still a faint pressure of warm air imprinted on Ray's chest though, and snowflakes skated over his face and body in light feather like brushes. He couldn't remember ever feeling such happy peace and comfort around anyone other than his mother and the few memories he retained of his father. Even then, the feelings he held in his blood now felt slightly different from those somehow.

An indignant scoff took Ray away from his thoughts, and he looked down to see Gavin Free pouting at him. Not just looking sorry or mad, but actually pouting. "Oh. My. God. Are you actually pouting?" Gavin stuck his tongue out, and Ray sighed and shook his head mirthfully. "Huh. Since when did superheroes act like sore losers, Vav?"

"Since their side-kick decided to ruin their fun and act like a mingy little-"

" _Side-kick?_ "

"-prick. Well, now you are!" Gavin declared with a little huff.

Ray squeezed his lips attempting to morph his expression into a serious one, but he was almost certain that the grin planted to his face only made him look more than a little crazy. "That's just not nice, Gav. Stop the bullying, remember?" he said

"Pffft, yeah, but-"

"Boys! It's getting late, and the fireworks ended over an hour ago!" A vertical rectangle of soft yellow light sloped over the frozen ground towards them, and a round woman with bouncy brown hair stood at the nearby doorway with a smile of fond exasperation. "Come inside already!" she yelled

Both of the boys turned towards the door. "In a sec, mom!" Ray called as Gavin began to stand up. Ray smirked and looked back at him. "So, you wanna continue this fascinating discussion inside, hopefully with some hot cocoa and burnt marshmallows? Just blazed!"

Ray could have sworn he saw a spark alight in those forest like eyes. "Yeah, sure. And now we'll have witnesses to our argument!"

"I'm pretty sure that would hurt you more than help you, bud," Ray chuckled. He cursed quietly when he felt a foot lightly shove the back of his knee as they headed towards his house. The golden rectangle of doorway shone like a beacon in the silence and darkness of the deserted night, beckoning them towards noise and light. Snickers bubbled out of Ray involuntarily when he heard Gavin squawk and glanced back to see the boy trip on a hole obscured by the snow piles. He wondered if the dumb British boy would ever stop making him laugh, unintentionally or not. _Probably not._ He thought as he stepped through the doorway. The aromas of fresh milky chocolate, apple cider, and crackling wood in a lit fireplace , coupled with the sounds of his mother's cacophonous laughter bouncing off of the thin wooden walls and his younger cousins' feet pounding upstairs as they ran around and played games, reminded Ray of what his home should be and what it was for a while.

The twirls in his heart whenever he was around Gavin, however, and the echoing loops they left behind told Ray what home was supposed to feel like in the first place.

*******

Their meeting was not one that a history book could call 'revolutionary' or even 'cool enough', in a lot of ways. It simply happened like this; Ray was the new kid who was completely and utterly lost on his first day at this school, and Gavin was the other new kid who - despite acting slightly shy - was so used to transferring schools that he could read the horribly inaccurate maps all on his own. He was just too lazy to, sometimes. So they ran into each other while blindly wandering the halls long after the tardy bell had run, and both agreed that two new kids going to the office to ask for help was better than one. It was pure coincidence that they happened to share that first photography class, as well as the afternoon Pre-Calculus. But because of those coincidences and their shared unfamiliar territory, they ended up spending much of their school time together, and quickly grew into best friends.

Ray always waited for Gavin's mom to drop him off at the entrance to the school, and Gavin never failed to playfully bonk Ray on the head just as he was leaving his last class of the day. It was a fun kind of normalcy that Ray appreciated more than he could ever tell Gavin, although he was sometimes _so sure_ that the other boy felt the same. However, the prospect of it going any farther, absolutely terrified Ray, for reasons he could never speak. Yet he wasn't sure if he could ever give it up either. It was a decision he hoped he would never have to make.

Then, a few weeks into their constant friendship, he was abruptly forced to make said decision.

It had seemed like just a regular day until lunchtime came. Ray was close to snorting chocolate milk out of his nose due to one of Gavin's usual silly antics, this time involving a 'scientific investigation' of their slightly gray school hamburgers that Ray was pretty sure the lunch ladies hated Gavin for by now. In the middle of his own speech, Gavin suddenly stopped and looked at Ray with wide gladiola eyes. "oh, I almost forgot! I was wondering if you wanted to spend the night on Friday. I already asked my mum, and she said it was fine as long as your mum's okay with it."

Ray froze, a glistening bead of sweat traveling down the back of his neck. His hands went clammy on his lap. _Jesus, calm the fuck down, dude. Gavin just wants you to sleep over at his house, like friends tend to do._ Ray chastised himself harshly, but his heart insistently continued to keep up a pounding, drum like rhythm. He knew Gavin was still staring at him though, so he blurted out, "Uhh-Yeah, sure. I'll ask my mom." He hoped to God his voice wasn't shaky and nervous sounding, he fucking prayed.

Ray's worries were unfounded, though. Gavin simply nodded and started right back where he had left off on his 'totally unbiased hamburger critique'. Ray was barely paying attention anymore, his fingers still fidgety and sweaty underneath the table and his mouth desert dry. His mind raced through thoughts like a frightened deer through woods. He wanted to see what Gavin's house looked like, what some of his life outside of school was like, and he definitely wanted to spend time with Gavin somewhere other than their mutual imprisonment that was school. Ray knew these things all too well, and was reminded of them every day he spent near Gavin Free.

_What will you do when it happens again though?_ A small voice whispered from the dark of his mind. _When you learn things about him that you weren't supposed to, when you invade his deepest privacy without his permission?_ That was when Ray considered telling Gavin, right then and there. More so than he ever had anyone else in his entire life. But... _He won't believe you, you know he won't. As weird as Gavin can be, he isn't that strange. He would never believe you. They never do._

*******

"You should tell him, Ray. I think he would understand."

Ray mumbled something incoherent into his jacket sleeves, slouched despondently over the kitchen table with his head and arms resting on the faded pink and white checkerboard cloth. He could still feel the ridges in the cracked wooden surface dig into his skin through the thin cloth. Honey yellow afternoon light spilled through the windows and all over the kitchen like a kaleidoscope, dappled patterns of sunshine and deep black shadows that shook and shivered their branches in the wind outside. Ray's hazelnut eyes watched them intensely, searching for any distractions from his current situation. A woman with bouncy hair and crinkly eyes shuffled around the long counter top and stove, humming softly as she stirred a pot and a couple of pans from time to time. Even with his face burrowed in between his arms, Ray could still easily pick up the smells of freshly baked pasta, sizzling tomato sauce, and warm garlic bread. He licked his lips, but even the scents of his favorite food couldn't fully distract him from the issue glaring right at his face.

"How do you know that, Mom? You haven't even met Gavin yet. Best case scenario, he thinks I'm insane and refuses to talk to me ever again." Ray was as calm as he had ever looked, but inside his chest twisted and cracked at the prospect of something like that happening.

Ray's mom sighed wearily, although it seemed as if she had meant to do it a lot quieter. Switching the stove off, she tucked a piece of raven hair behind her ear and pursed her lips. "Ray, I feel as if I have known this boy almost as long as you have. You talk about his silliness every single _day_." A corner of her mouth turned upwards when she noticed the rose blush dusting her son's cheeks. "Besides...you'll have to face having someone else other than me knowing someday."

"I know, it's just..." Ray groaned, hands gripping at his head and eventually settling for twirling small locks of curly hair around his forehead. _The only reason we're able to have this conversation at all is because everyone else is out. Irony at its finest._ "It was so much easier with you. I was just a kid, and you kinda already had a life standing obligation to me as your child and all."

Ray's mom chuckled, a small smile gracing her bubblegum pink lips. "Ray...Do you know why I married Matthew?"

Ray raised his head from the table slightly with a soft frown. Suddenly, he felt like taking a week long nap and thus shutting out the outside world completely might somehow solve all of his problems. "Not really, Mom."

"I did it because I love you."

That answer caught him completely off guard. Ray's eyebrows shot up. _I do not like where this conversation is going._ He thought to himself warily, even as he tried to respond nonchalantly. "So I'm the reason you had to deal with that jerk every day? Uhh...hate to burst your bubble, Ma, but I don't enjoy having that guy around either. Like, at all."

Whenever he had said things like that back at their apartment in New York when it was just the two of them home, his mother had always scolded him. So Ray was more than a little shocked when she didn't object. Instead, she murmured quietly, "I know, Ray. I never liked him much either, to be truthful. When your father died though..." Ray's mother bit her lip and turned her gaze towards the windows, towards the dimming rose and dandelion colored horizon and the dark trees swaying gently beneath the rainbow like an army of shadow puppets. Ray could still remember when they had first moved to his aunt's house in the boiling Georgia summer, and how he had secretly longed for the cheap air conditioning of their apartment and the looming shade of surrounding buildings and complexes to protect them from the heat. Even his mother had agreed with his occasional complaints during the first week, though they both knew they wouldn't trade it for what they had had before in a heartbeat.

Then, the Fourth of July came. Ray's aunt and cousins forced him and his mother outside of the house, saying that they needed to stop moping around and have a little fun. And if he were to be honest, while the barbecue and colorful explosions in the sky were fun, it wasn't the fireworks he had enjoyed the most. No, it was how the sky darkened in a way he had never seen before. Swirling, shifting shadows of deep cobalt made their way across the bottle green grass, and a rainbow of colors settled over the golden orb of sun on the horizon in soft tints. And then eventually, it became a massive dark vacuum of night sky that looked like a starlight speckled abyss waiting to swallow him and the rest of the earth whole. Normally something like that would seem frightening to Ray, but he suddenly realized that it felt comforting to have such infinity shown before him. To know that however great his problems became and his life changed over the years, the stars and the moon would never abandon him at least.

"Our money was gone after he died. We didn't even have a dime to our name after the funeral costs. And you were going to start school soon, and we still had your little problem to work out, and...Ray, there was no way we would have made it on our own. But then I found Matt, and as unpleasant as he can be, at least he can work, and at least he let us have some of that money," His mother's quiet voice filled the tiny kitchen like a whirlpool.

"Is there...a moral to this story or something?" Ray didn't want to sound rude to his own mother of all people, he really didn't. But he had to admit that the things implied in the story were beginning to tug and saw at his already frayed nerves, like a reckless musician to delicate strings.

His mother looked like she knew she should chuckle to lighten the mood, but couldn't seem to want to. She tore her eyes away from the beautiful sky and turned towards Ray, arms crossed and counter top against the small of her back. "I'm not sure if it's so much a 'moral', but I did learn something important from that experience, Ray." It was only by chance that Ray noticed the way her fingers clenched ever so slightly on her elbows. "Sometimes responsibility demands sacrifice, from you or from those you love."

Ray could feel his blood pounding in his ears, and he suddenly, unintentionally burst out, "So you dealt with a scumbag like him for _years_ just because of _me_? Are you for real right now?" The moment the words poured out of him, Ray knew it was a shitty thing to say. An _extremely_ shitty thing to say, especially considering what she had done for him because of it. They had escaped him even before he could consciously hold them back though, before his body could catch up to his suffering mind.

"Yes. Because I love you, Ray Narvaez Jr, and I don't regret that decision at all." His mother abruptly turned around, pulling bowls and dishes from the cabinets and clanging them onto the counter. Mouth dry, heart quiet, Ray's mind had went from a whirlwind of thoughts to absolute silence.

And then, after several minutes of silence. "...Ray, how will you ever learn to love someone fully when you can't even learn to love yourself as much?"

When the rest of the family arrived home and dinner started, Ray excused himself almost immediately from the room with an empty stomach and a head filled with too many thoughts to hold.

*******

The next day, Ray said yes. He still didn't know exactly why he did it. He didn't even know how. All he knew was that he never wanted to see disappointment like what he had seen on his mother's face yesterday. And this was the only way he would ever learn to prevent it. No matter what the cause, however, Gavin was practically jumping with joy and Ray was still as uneasy as he had ever been. The day after that, Gavin was enthusiastically punching the air with his fist as the two walked down the hallways. Of course, he failed to notice the nearby principal in all of his triumphant shouting, nearly sharing the joy of the upcoming sleepover with a black eye.

Ray laughed so hard, he was pretty sure he was close to breaking a rib, while Gavin squeaked and immediately hunkered down beside Ray's bent over figure. "Oh my god! You nearly punched him in the face!" Ray wiped tears from the corners of his eyes, ignoring the intense glare scorching his and Gavin's backs.

"I didn't mean to, for Christ's sake!" Gavin pulled at his constantly disheveled locks in worry even as they headed out into the blistery cool, mid afternoon. Leaves that looked as if they been spun from molten gold, mandarins, and blood red roses crumpled like old bits of paper and danced in the autumn breeze. The dry, gritty ground and stark steel sky painted a picture of gray swells struck through occasionally by tiny, colorful shooting stars. Ray's laughter slowly died down as he watched the leaves fall and fly by, the slightest of rustles the only indication that they had ever touched ground at some point in time.

Gavin made a displeased noise, like a cross between a cat's purr and a 'harrumph'. Ray turned towards him. "What's wrong? You don't like fall or something?"

Gavin blinked and looked at Ray as if he hadn't noticed he was there for a moment. "Er, yeah, a little bit. My favorite season's spring. I really hate the cold." Gavin visibly shivered in his bottle green windbreaker.

A melodious chuckle escaped Ray. "Awww, does Gavvy-wavvy get cold easily? Don't worry, X-Ray is here to help warm you up. With his x-ray vision, I mean."

Gavin rolled his eyes, smiling broadly. "Suuure. Ray, I'm pretty sure x-ray vision would warm me up a bit _too_ much. As in, it would probably burn a hole through me." Gavin threw a mock filled glare in Ray's direction.

Ray smirked. "Well, you can't say I didn't-"

A loud car honk interrupted them, and Ray and Gavin both turned to see a gray sedan pulling up to the curb. "Dude, you really need to get your driver's license here, so you don't need your Mommy to take you to and from school every day." Gavin shoved Ray lightly as he chuckled, though his lips quickly lifted into a grin as they both climbed into the car.

*******

"Aaand here's my room!"

Ray laughed as they entered Gavin's bedroom, their final destination of Gavin's little house tour he had immediately given to Ray upon entering said house. "Dude, you're like a five year old showing off his home to someone. Or maybe a really excited and childish real estate agent."

Gavin stopped suddenly and looked over at Ray sheepishly. "Am I really that bad?"

"Pffft, no. It's cute actually." Ray muttered without thinking, not noticing Gavin's rouge cheeks as he stepped past the British boy. His bedroom was pretty plain looking, aside from the occasional small 'Gavin' touch, like the incredibly old looking and probably vintage camera on the desk, and the jeans covered in paint stains or slightly burnt in some areas laying on the carpet. Ray barely held back snickers when Gavin hurried forward to kick the stray clothes underneath his bed. "I, uhh, I was so excited you were coming that I forgot to clean my room," Gavin murmured.

"It's fine." Ray glanced over at the nightstand and suddenly grinned. "Is that what I think it is?"

Gavin looked up, then smirked when he saw what Ray was pointing at. "A Game Boy? Why yes, yes it is. We still had Nintendo in England, Ray."

"Hell yeah!" Ray sat his backpack down onto the dresser and began rifling through it. His hand shot up with a similar small silver device. "What games do you have?" he asked.

Ray waited a few moments as he plucked a couple of cartridges from his bag, but no response came. When he finally turned around, he saw a shaking Gavin trying (and desperately failing) to hold back laughter. "Are those flower stickers on your Game Boy?" Gavin could barely sputter through his giggles.

Ray turned the device over in his hand and gazed at the bright pink and purple floral stickers stuck haphazardly all over the front and back. In truth, one of his younger cousins had finally managed to get a hold of the hand held and decided to decorate it with children's stickers before he could stop them. But to be honest, he actually kind of liked it, in a weird ironic way. "Yeah, man. Flowers are awesome."

Gavin's snickers slowly died down, his eyes already drawn to the game in Ray's hand. "Wanna play some Mario Kart then?"

That was how the rest of their afternoon and evening went by, with the two of them fooling around and playing either video games or games they made up on their own. One particular game started right after they finished watching a superhero movie, and Ray jokingly tied a blanket around his shoulders, declaring himself, "the one and only defender of justice and destroyer of cake, X-Ray!" Then, after Gavin's usual squeaky chorus of giggles, he ran off to the laundry room and soon reappeared, a towel with the British flag emblazoned on it looped around his neck as he clumsily rushed over and mispronounced his own name. Ray was more amused at the fact that Gavin's family owned a towel with the British flag on it than the fact that he was even wearing it in the first place, honestly. And in all of that time, Ray didn't have a single thought about the struggles that the night would bring. As soon as they had relaxed and started joking around, all of the worries had disappeared from Ray's mind, only to be replaced with the simple joy of hanging out with Gavin in a place where teachers couldn't mark them for talking too much and where they didn't have to deal with a sea of other teenagers always around them. Not to mention Gavin's adorable giggles, bright eyes, and smile, all of which Ray was pretty sure could light the darkest of caves, or minds.

Hours later, Gavin yawned as the two of them laid across his bed, facing opposite to each other and occasionally touching the other as they talked about everything they could and nothing in particular. "I'm getting a bit sleepy, actually," Gavin mumbled, and then he gave another long, drawn out yawn.

Ray nodded slightly, eyelids beginning to droop. "Yeah. Me too." Then he remembered.

Ray's senses lit up like live wire, and he was glad for that. But he knew he wouldn't be able to stay awake all night. Especially when Gavin was already sleepy and turning off the bedside lamp, and the digital clock shined a bright green "4:20" am. at him. Even if he hadn't woken up at 6:00 am. for school that day, he was almost positive that Gavin's family would prefer tea over the coffee that could have kept him awake in their kitchen. Stiflingly warm, lava like dread poured and rested in Ray's blood in the worst of soul burns. He knew that his hands were shaking, but his eyes were facing the ceiling above him and unfocused.

He saw Gavin leaning towards him of the corner of his eye. "Hey Ray, you can sleep with me if you want. I don't really care, and-" He stopped when he saw the look in Ray's eyes and frowned. "What's wrong?"

Ray gulped, hoping Gavin couldn't hear it in the relative quiet of the dark early morning. He forced his voice to remain calm. "Umm, nothing, Gav. Just...maybe I should sleep in the living room or something, since there's not that much room here and-"

"Psssh!" Gavin scoffed and grabbed Ray's arm, pulling him upwards slightly despite his protests. "Come off it, X-Ray. There's _plenty_ of room." Then his smile fell, and Ray knew that Gavin had only done so because he thought Ray couldn't see him do it, in the darkness with no glasses. "Unless you don't want to, that's totally fine, I mean-"

_Shit._ A silent sigh. Ray immediately started climbing towards the head of the bed, grunting before slipping underneath the soft covers and muttering, "It's fine, Vav. I just...move around in my sleep a lot. Didn't want to knock you off or anything."

The tiny grin that Ray absolutely adored crept onto Gavin's lips and he chuckled quietly. "If you kick me off, I can just steal all of the blankets."

"You would leave me to freeze all alone? Wow. Thanks, man. I thought we had something going."

Gavin laid back down and turned his head towards Ray. There was considerable space on the bed for the both of them, but their faces were only inches apart on the single pillow. Ray felt his chest hum when he saw a strangely subdued look in Gavin's face. His eyes were crinkling at the corners, close to shining in the darkness, and...bright with something Ray rarely saw from anyone other than his mother. Something akin to fondness, he supposed. Gavin moved forward, and Ray released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Then, he felt delicate fingers brush a piece of hair away from his face. "Good night, Ray." If voices could smile, Ray was sure Gavin's just did.

"Good night, Gav," he murmured.

The beautiful greenness disappeared, and the darkness seemed to fall more than ever before. The only sounds in Ray's ears were that of a cricket outside and Gavin's slowly deepening breathing. Turning onto his back, Ray tried desperately to think about _anything_ , anything at all to keep his mind awake and aware, but the utter void above him and his own happiness and exhaustion from the day were dragging him to rest, tugging insistently at his tired limbs and mind like calming chains. Within a few desperate minutes that felt more like seconds, Ray fell into one of the deepest slumbers he had ever experienced in his short life.

***

Becoming completely lucid seemingly after just having fallen asleep was a constant in Ray's life that he wouldn't dare wish on his worst enemy. His mind was totally aware, but his heart hurt and his body felt sluggish, as if he were moving through the stillest of waters in an oceanic dream. It made sense to him though, in a weird and twisted way. Ray couldn't be allowed to interfere with the show; he was only a spectator to everything that happened around him. It always started like this, slowly but steadily, a realistic film reel being turned on before Ray's presence. First came the sounds, then the colors in haphazard, blurry splashes, and finally shapes formed out of the maddening hues and the scene became all too crystal clear in front of Ray's rusty eyes.

Most people had incredibly strange dreams on a regular basis; Ray definitely wasn't unfamiliar with that aspect of his sleep. He also wasn't unfamiliar with the most of horrifying, gory nightmares, the crude depictions of human life that no one in their right mind would hope for. Yet despite all of this, Ray was completely unprepared for what he faced then. He heard nothing; no voices, no wind, not even the softest of rustles. The colors he was so used to weren't there either, though the shapes were still defined clearly. It was like watching one of those old black and white films his mother loved so much. Normally, Ray would probably find that type of movie incredibly boring and would have already turned it off or switched to something else. But it was impossible for him to turn off this scene. Not with his body still sleeping, not with what was actually going on in the 'film'. A child, who looked uncannily similar to Gavin Free, was laughing and swinging on an ordinary swing set. Sitting on the swing next to him, though, was an equally young blurry figure.

The scene shifted in that slow, film like way again, until it stopped on the image of a teenage Gavin sitting among a bed of flowers. Ray could make out both a sober expression on his face, and that the plantlike was _moving_. Macabre petals danced in a silent breeze that Ray could only imagine, and stems shifted so that vines could slither onto Gavin's wrists and legs. Curling around his arms, up his back, about his waist, until they reached the zenith of his body and twisted into a simple, elegant flower crown upon Gavin's messy locks. Ray thought he might throw up. His hands twitched, his legs were braced, and the desire to somehow save Gavin was roaring through his body as strongly as his heart pumped blood.

He could never do it, though. Not in a million dreams. And he knew this, though he tried not to acknowledge it. Dreams were not something that Ray Narvaez Jr. had ever obtained or created. They were something he was forced to steal and witness every slumber of his life. And he would never be able to describe to anyone, much less himself, just how much it killed him that he had no control over what he saw or what he could do, both asleep and awake. After the flower weaving, the scenes began to change faster and faster. There were a couple minutes shown of Gavin lying on his bed - the same exact bed he and Ray were sleeping in at that moment - the room quickly closing in on his own prone figure to either swallow or crush him. Then, there was a slightly older Gavin standing at the entrance to the darkest forest Ray had ever seen. A pair of eyes the color of morning glories appeared like dim fires in the abyss of pitch black trunks and skeleton branches, and eventually the entire figure as well. He was older and larger, but Ray couldn't mistake the same ghost like person from the earlier scene. A dark sort of grin Ray could only liken to joyful bloodshed curled the person's lips, and hands covered in some sort of black substance beckoned towards Gavin. As if inviting him in. Ray watched Gavin slowly walk into the woods just as the scene ended.

Much of the rest of the scenes were blurs and blinks of gray scale seconds and moments in Ray's mind. An adult Gavin standing on the roof of a building, arms crossed and back facing open air. A grimly bright smile on his face even as he shifted backwards. Gavin laying on a blanket in what at one moment looked like a hospital bed, then suddenly a pick-up truck, then a couch. Every single time, the ghostly figure remained next to him though, hands intertwined with Gavin's. As more and more strange and unsettling scenes passed, Ray began to feel more and more as if he were about to scream, cry, and rip his own skin off all at once. Just as the urge grew all too strong, however, it stopped on one last play.

A grave, surrounded by even more flowers than those in the second scene Ray had witnessed. They were all burnt or dead. A shadowy figure sitting in front of it, back facing Ray and slightly stooped so that Ray couldn't tell who it was. Several minutes passed before Ray recognized the purple jacket on the person's body. And then a few more before he saw that there was no rain, yet small crystalline drops of liquid were falling onto the tombstone.

***

When Ray woke up, he was crying. He hadn't cried in years, not since his step dad had yelled and called him a 'pussy' for it when he was ten years old. He thought he had trained himself into holding back him emotions since then, even when his mother had looked her saddest and when his soul pained him the most. The tears were still streaming down his face though, relentlessly. Even through his shocked and blurry haze, Ray could see Gavin stretching his body as he woke beside him, could watch as he turned to Ray and his expressions instantly turned from one of utter relaxation into one of worry. Ray brushed off Gavin's concerned questioning, but he couldn't bring himself to brush off the fingers delicately wiping the tears off of his damp face, his unbelievably cold cheeks. They were the only things he could really feel at the moment. Ray also pretended not to notice when Gavin hesitantly moved forward to press his lips against his temple, then suddenly pulled back.

All he wanted was for everything to turn back and be normal again. He knew it could have been normal in the first place, if he hadn't been cursed, if he wasn't forced to carry around a constant reminder that he would always be completely alone in some aspect. How could anyone, much less himself, love what was broken at the start?


	4. the devil is a playwright (and we are the actors)

_“The rain to the wind said,_  
_You push and I'll pelt._  
_They so smote the garden bed_  
_That the flowers actually knelt,_  
_And lay lodged – though not dead._  
_I know how the flowers felt.”_  
-Robert Frost

Snow. That was all that Gavin saw when he opened his eyes. His heart nearly skipped a beat as he took in the bleary white spots above him, and he thought for a hopeful second, _Was it all a dream? Am I still with Ray, at his house on New Year's Day?_  
A blink later the bleariness disappeared, and Gavin realized he was staring at a cracked white fabric ceiling. _Oh. Of course not_ , he thought dimly. He swallowed and licked his lips. His throat felt like a blanket of dry desert and his lips were chapped. Still, he had no idea how long he had been unconscious or where he was, and he needed to find out. With a soft grunt, he slowly sat up, surprised at how easy it was to move around. _Maybe it hasn't been that long?_ He thought.  
Gavin looked around. He was in the back seat of a car, an old one judging by the state of the upholstery and the outdated technology in the front. The tan leather underneath his hands felt worn and warm, and the lowly humming radio in the front gave the occasional whir as it tried to play scratchy music. When Gavin looked outside, he saw that the last few bright shades of twilight were settling over the shadowy trees outside, a fine mist seeming to seep up from the dark earth and cloak the forest in a gray veil.  
There was a sound somewhere between a scoff and a snort that made Gavin jump slightly. He peered around the front seats and there was Ray, slumped down in the driver's seat as naturally as if it were a bed. His glasses were askew and his chocolate brown curls were mussed in a playful and sleepy manner. Gavin had a feeling that he had been asleep for more than just a couple of minutes, and it worried him, because if anyone knew what was going on, it had to be-  
“...Gavin?”  
“Ray!” Gavin gasped in shock.  
Ray blinked a few times. Then he stretched his arms and legs with a long, jaw opening yawn that reminded Gavin entirely too much of cats, and of the one he used to have back in England when he was a child. A few seconds passed before Ray finished his exaggerated yawn, and Gavin still didn't know what to say or think. They stared at each other for a moment that seemed to last an hour, Gavin's hands twitching nervously.  
Finally, Ray sighed heavily and ran a lazy hand through his tousled hair. Gavin remembered how Ray always used to do that whenever he was stressed or worried about something. He noticed the deep purple shadows under the boy's eyes as well, and the way that his clothes and jacket looked a bit rumpled for only one day's wear. Gavin licked his dry lips and somehow managed to hoarsely say what was on his mind. “What...what happened?”  
A tiny shrug, almost nonchalant. Maybe so, if Gavin didn't know Ray better. “I'm not sure, to be completely honest. You suddenly had this shell shocked look on your face and you fell down, and it was pretty much exactly like a scene out of one of those crappy soap operas my mom watches. I went over to see if you were breathing, and you were, so I just...carried you to my car. I know you don't like hospitals, but I thought about driving you to one at first. In the end, though, I just...hoped you had fainted from shock or something and was going to wake up soon,” Ray explained in a mostly bare monotone, but Gavin watched his eyes narrow the more he talked as the stress and worry was relived.  
“I...I barely even remember that. All I remember is being so surprised that you were back, and then there was this sudden drop in my stomach, like the world was about to crash down all around me. And then it...did.” Gavin muttered, barely focusing on what he was saying. _Was it a panic attack? It...it feels like it could have been one. But I've never passed out or anything from one before..._ Even in the midst of a vortex of thoughts and feelings, however, Gavin remembered something else, and he gasped. “What happened to Ryan?”  
Gavin expected Ray to get angry or bitter at the mere mention of the demon's name, but Ray only frowned deeply and shifted his gaze to the misty woods outside. “He immediately ran over to you when you passed out, like I did. He didn't really do anything; just kind of stood there with this really horrified expression on his face like he thought he'd killed you. I thought he did hurt you.” The ends of the sleeves of Ray's jacket bunched up as he clenched his fists slightly.  
“Where is he now?”  
“I dunno. I turned around to pull out my phone, and when I turned back, he was gone.” Ray shook his head. The ends of his lips were tugged into a thoughtful frown.  
“He just left?” Gavin didn't notice the way his hands were tearing at the under side of the leather seat like claws.  
Ray looked back at Gavin as if noticing him there for the first time. “Yeah. I was going to kick his ass after I made sure you were alright, but he...vanished like a magician or something. Horrible magic trick, if you ask me.” Ray scoffed.  
There was something growing in Gavin's chest; a feeling like a nest of rosebuds and thorns was slowly curling around his heart. He couldn't imagine why Ryan would vanish without a trace, not after what they had agreed to do. Was he scared of Ray and what he might do without Gavin there to protect him? Not that a demon really needed protecting in Gavin's opinion, especially from a human, but... More importantly than that, he didn't know what he would do if Ryan never returned. If he never found out why his childhood had been ruined by one meeting with a creature, if he never rid his heart of that almost constant, insistent tug on it, the one that was like an anchor that dragged his mind down to its darkest depths...  
“Hey, Ray?”  
Ray was staring intently at his hands, as if he were hoping to find all of the answers to the universe in the dark creases of the palms. “Yeah?” he muttered, barely glancing up.  
“How did you run into Ryan anyways? He...he kind of told me some of it, but you never told me you were a demon hunter.” Gavin paused, swallowing. He couldn't seem to find the strength to get past the odd lump in his throat. “Is...is that why you really left? To go fight demons or something? Was all of that stuff about your money problems and going back to live with your step dad again lies?”  
“I-no! No...I wouldn't lie to you like that, Gavin. I swear.” Ray pulled at his dark locks again, silent for a few moments while Gavin stared at him.  
Gavin's shoulders shook, though he didn't know why. Something like anxiety blossomed in his chest. “Then why did you never tell me about hunting down demons or anything like that? I think that's something you might want to tell your best friend!” Gavin wanted to cry again, but his eyes remained completely dry. He felt like the sky outside when the rain had stopped and the sky grew darker, as if it had no more tears to shed either.  
“Why didn't you tell me about Ryan in the first place, Gavin? Why didn't you tell me you were being tormented in your dreams by some demon?!” Ray yelled angrily, but he threw his hand over his mouth the moment the words left his mouth.  
Silence. Icy fingers trailed down Gavin's spine in a slow, almost methodical chill. It was the stillest Gavin had ever known it to be but inside his heart was beating an intense rhythm, like the pounding of drums in his ears. Ray was shrinking himself down into the leather of the front seat, clearly looking as if he wanted to be removed from his earthly existence right then and there, forever.  
“...What?”  
Ray glanced at Gavin, and Gavin had never seen his eyes look so apologetic before, so full of remorse and withering. “I'm sorry, Gavin, I really am-”  
“How did you know?”  
“I...” Ray turned away. “I-”  
“ _Ray_.” Ray had never seen Gavin look as serious as he did at that moment. “How?”  
_"You should tell him, Ray. I think he would understand."_  
“I don't understand why he's so worried, your boy. Just 'cause you had a damn nightmare! It's not like it's his!”  
“You can tell me anything, X-ray. I promise.”  
“...Ray, how will you ever learn to love someone fully when you can't even learn to love yourself as much?"  
Like this, Ray thought. _Just like this, Mom_.  
“You talked in your sleep whenever I slept over. You would sometimes say stuff like, 'Ryan's back.' and 'The demon's coming for me again'. I...I didn't mention it because I thought you didn't want me to know, since you never told me about it...”  
_Liar. Why did you lie? He deserves better than that. Better than you_. Ray thought as he clutched the ends of his hair tightly, as if it were his life line. Gavin's eyes were fixated on nothing.  
“Okay, I guess,” he slowly said.  
“...Okay?” Ray raised an eyebrow.  
Gavin nodded. His eyes looked like a brighter version of the misty forest outside. “I kept an important secret from you, and you found out about it, but you still pretended that you didn't know so you wouldn't hurt me. It could have been worse, I guess.”  
Ray was still beyond shocked, but somehow he found himself smiling slightly. “That's...Gavin, you're literally my favorite person in the world right now.” _As if you aren't always, but-_  
“But.”  
“Wait, there's a but?” Ray shouted. Gavin raised his finger with a small smirk, and Ray gave him a bewildered look.  
“You never told me how you became a demon hunter, or any of that stuff. So, tell me.” Gavin rocked back on the seat as if he were a child waiting expectantly for a story, which Ray supposed, he kind of was. This wasn't the kind of story he would want to tell a child, though. Even Gavin, because-  
“...I can't.”  
The rocking stopped. “Are you serious right now?”  
“I just can't, Gavin. Don't you understand that?” Ray looked down at his hands, so he didn't have to look at Gavin's crestfallen expression, like a kicked puppy. The words repeated in his thoughts again. _He deserves better than you. He deserves better than a boy who lies to him because he's too scared to tell the truth because he doesn't want to lose him, he deserves better-_  
He'll leave you to find better. Something inside of Ray made him realize what was happening, but he couldn't take back the words. Not when they were already filling in the atmosphere between him and Gavin like a heavy black shroud, one that made it impossible to see or hear the other. This was the closest he had been to Gavin in months, yet it felt as if he were slowly moving farther away than he had ever been to him.  
It was a long while before either of them spoke. “Drive me home, Ray.”  
“...Alright.”

***

The ride to Gavin's house was almost completely silent, save for the roaring of the car's ancient engine and the low tunes of scratchy music coming from the radio that neither of them felt like messing with. Gavin's mind felt as heavy as a leaden tomb. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep for a few thousand years.   
He wasn't sure what to think of Ray, or of anything that had happened. It felt as if he should have still been in the school's bathroom, stalling for time until he thought Mr. Sorola would get mad at him. A simple habit for a simple day. Maybe he would go home after school and play some video games, order in pizza while his parents were working. But then Ryan had appeared again and completely derailed everything he thought he had ever known about himself, and about the person he cared about most. Thoughts of where Ryan might be lingered constantly at the edge of his mind, but he had no clue where the demon had gone. Unlike Ryan, Gavin didn't think he had some sort of inner radar for tracking the other down. The only option it seemed that he had would be to wait for Ryan to show up again, if he ever did.  
Gavin glanced at Ray out of the corner of his eye, then glanced away just as quickly. The dark haired boy was clutching the wheel tensely, brown eyes trained on the road as if he expected a disaster to happen at any moment. Or like he was trying very hard to ignore the person next to him. Gavin looked out of the window, watching as the car barreled through the growing darkness of the approaching night and a thick mist blanketed the land in a shimmery sort of blanket. To Gavin, it looked as if the bright head lights of the car were the only source of light in the entire world then, on that quiet, dark small town road. It reminded him of shadows and creatures, of unnatural monsters and creepy tales told when the night was darkest.  
_Would I even know if there was a demon out there right now? Or another demon hunter who looked and acted like a regular person, even to those they were closest to? Or...so I thought anyways. There's probably someone else Ray is closer too, I'm sure. We haven't talked in months after all. There must be someone who's known his secret forever and has been able to be there for him, unlike me. It would only make sense._  Gavin thought solemnly. He sighed, too quietly for Ray to hear.  
Twenty minutes later, the car pulled into the gravel drive way of Gavin's house. By then, the night was fully upon them, and the only light came from the streetlights and windows of other houses on the street. Gavin's house was dark, he noticed, and his parent's cars were gone, so they must have still been at work. They often worked late nights; it didn't surprise him in the slightest.  
"Will you be alright here alone?" Ray asked, breaking the surreal silence with his sullen voice. His fingers hadn't left the wheel.  
Gavin nodded. "Yeah. My parents don't come home until ten some days." He knew he wanted to say something else, something important, but he couldn't think of what.  
They sat there for a few moments awkwardly before Ray began to climb out, and Gavin reluctantly followed him. He wasn't looking forward to being at home, all alone, while Ray and Ryan were doing god knew what out in the night. They walked up to the front door, Gavin fumbling in his jean pockets for his keys. He pulled them out and went to put them in, but he hesitated. "Ray," he said.  
"Yeah?"  
"Can you at least tell me why you don't want to talk about how you became a demon hunter?"  
Ray stared at him, and for a second, Gavin thought he saw guilt flit through his eyes. Then Ray sighed. "It's not that I don't want to tell you, Gavin, it's that I can't." He couldn't look Gavin in the face.  
Gavin hoped he wouldn't say something like that. He watched Ray's nervous fingers dance along his jacket strings, looked at his dark eyes that reminded Gavin of chocolate sundaes, of laughter and old trees. He asked, "Do you want to stay?"  
"...I would love to, Gav, but...I barely told my mom where I was going before I left, and I definitely didn't tell her that I would be gone for so long," Ray mumbled.  
Gavin bit his lip to keep from shouting. He tried to calm down, he did, but words that had been stuck in his head ever since they started driving to his house tumbled out suddenly. "You keep saying you can't, Ray, but I think the only person who's holding you back is yourself. I think you're afraid of something, and it's not me." He paused, barely noting how Ray's eyes had widened and his fingers had stopped fidgeting. "You still act the same as you used to sometimes, but...it's just, I feel like I know a lot less about you than I ever thought I did. And I want to be your friend, but I'm not sure if I even know who you are anymore."  
"I feel like I've always known everything about you, Gavin, but I still can't figure out why the hell you act like you do sometimes." Ray's eyes shone as he snorted irritatedly, but there was a strange curl to his lips that Gavin thought might have been fondness, or annoyance. Both, perhaps.  
Fists clenched, Gavin tilted his head toward the sky and sighed for the hundredth time that day. He _really_ didn't want to go back to being alone so soon. "When do you think you'll be back?” he asked.  
"Honestly? ...I have no idea. Probably forever once I go back and my step dad murders me for taking his car."  
"You took his car?" Gavin gasped.  
Ray shrugged. "Well, what else was I supposed to do? I'd just discovered that a demon was going to go after my best friend, and I was still miles and miles away. There wasn't any time to think of a better idea, if I could have." His eyes were narrowed and his face was drawn tiredly. Gavin noticed for the first time the heavy lines on his face.  
"Did you sleep at all on the way here?" Gavin had a feeling he already knew the answer.  
Ray smiled lightly. "What do you think?"  
The loud caw of a bird echoed from above and reminded both of them where they were and what they were supposed to be doing. Gavin looked up to see a crimson bird perched atop the gutters. When he turned back and saw Ray's heavy frown, he realized that the other boy couldn't stand to leave right then either, as much tension as there was between them. As much as they both knew that the other knew that they needed to go their separate ways.  
Ray nearly jumped when he was suddenly enveloped in a tight hug. He squirmed slightly between lanky arms and a slim chest, but eventually relented and hugged Gavin back. Gavin held onto Ray as if he were the most important thing in his world at that moment.  
"Stay safe. Don't drive too fast," he murmured into Ray's shoulder.  
"You too. Even though you won't be driving. Stay away from other demons," Ray pulled back from him a bit, gazing into Gavin's green eyes. "Are you really sure about this? About trying to figure out what the deal is with you and that demon?"  
Gavin chuckled, thought it sounded more bitter than he meant for it too. "I don't have much of a choice now, do I? Even if I didn't want to, I think Ryan would follow me around until I did, if or when he comes back."  
"He might. Don't let him push you around just because he's a spirit. The more fear you feel, the more control they have over you," Ray said, moving away from Gavin. He reached into his pocket and handed a scrap of notebook paper to Gavin, who raised an eyebrow.  
Gavin unfolded the piece of paper and read the scrawled digits with a furrowed brow. "That's my cell. I finally got one a few weeks ago. If you're ever in trouble, call me and I'll do whatever it takes to get to you," Ray explained.  
"You had it ready for me?" Gavin couldn't help snickering, especially when Ray's cheeks turned the color of burnt roses.  
"It's not like that, asshole," Ray muttered, still blushing and smiling. Gavin couldn't help but feel a surge of happiness looking at his radiant face, at the person who would always hold a special place in his heart, whether he had changed or not. The same person who would be leaving him soon.  
"Goodbye, Ray." The words rolled out of Gavin's mouth in a soft whisper, barely above a breath.  
Ray turned his head away, his hands shaking ever so slightly at his sides. "Goodbye, Gavin," he said in a surprisingly strong voice before beginning to walk away.  
Gavin watched Ray head slowly towards the car and the blinking headlights amid all of the darkness in the world. He raised his hand in a halfhearted wave, but Ray didn't look back. It was only a few minutes before the car's engine roared and the vehicle disappeared. Gavin opened the door to his house and tried to remind himself that Ray was only a phone call or a text away, that he would see his tentative smile and bright brown eyes again sooner rather than later.  
The hopeful thoughts did nothing to quell the shakiness in his hands or the way his chest hurt.

***

Inside, it felt just as bleak as it was outside. Gavin didn't mind being home alone so much as he didn't like the feeling of being swallowed up by the darkness once evening came. He knew he shouldn't waste power and such, but it was hard not to leave a light or two on, and that was what he did as he moved towards the stairs. The old, polished wood creaked and wailed underneath his feet like banshees in the night, causing him to wince. _I should turn on the TV,_ He thought, but instead he found himself stumbling towards his room on tired and shaky legs. Even opening the door was a struggle; his body feeling as if it were beyond drained and his mind whirling with a strange sorrow that felt distant in comparison to his present exhaustion.  
Gavin's room hadn't changed much since the first time Ray had been in there, much less the last. There were a few new posters taped to the walls of celebrities Gavin somewhat admired and video games he mostly played to stay awake when the dreams became too much. A bulky laptop sat on his sleek desk, next to a framed photo of him and Ray. Despite not being very old, the roundness of the two boys' cheeks and their bright eyes only served to remind Gavin of how much time had passed since he had such a carefree moment with Ray. He vividly remembered the day he and Ray had gone to the local video game tournament, how he had lost pathetically in the first round whereas Ray had gone on to win the entire competition. Yet in the picture Ray's mother took, Gavin and Ray were both holding the plastic trophy triumphantly, grinning so widely that their smiles almost seemed to split their faces.  
Gavin could never muster up the strength to throw the photo away, even when just looking at it made him want to curl up into a ball. He remembered wondering as a child why his father always wanted to take pictures of him, even when they were doing something as mundane as baking cookies.  
_“It's because I want to preserve our happy memories, Gav,” the man laughed. “One day, when you're old and wrinkly, you're not going to remember everything you've done. If you have physical reminders, though, then you will.”_  
Gavin had frowned in his impetuously child way and huffed under his breath. “Well, I'm not gonna be old for a long time! So I don't see why we have to take pictures right now.”  
His father smiled and ruffled his hair, ignoring the way Gavin's frown only deepened. The man crossed his arms. “You'll want them a lot when you're younger too, actually. When you need to be reminded of what's important.”  
At the time Gavin didn't understand at all what his father meant. But after the incident with Ryan, there came many impossibly long weeks filled with dark thoughts, questions with no good answers, and therapy and medicine that seemed to only serve the purpose of slightly muffling the loud tortuous buzz constantly at the forefront of his mind. In the midst of everything, the much younger Gavin only seemed to find respite in the preservation of his and his family's happier times. The times when his father used to spend more time with him doing the 'boring' stuff like cooking and reading books, or when his mother didn't always look at him with the most heartbreaking and boggling expression he had ever seen. He would look at the old photos and try his best to remember what happiness felt like, and sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.  
Gavin shook his head as he turned away from the photograph. He headed towards his bed and slumped down face first onto it, kicking off his muddy shoes onto the carpeted floor behind him. A groan that he had been suppressing for the entire day came out of him suddenly, slightly muffled by the gentle blanket pressed up against his face. _What's next now?_ Gavin thought tiredly. _Ray and Ryan are both gone, and I'm all alone again. I'm back at square one basically._  
The only response to his thoughts was a silence that seemed to buzz in his ears. Many times, Gavin had greeted total silence warily, but at that moment, he embraced it with open arms. He wanted more than anything to fall into a half asleep, half awake state and float away from all of the troubles of the world. To completely forget about demons and darkness and life itself would be a blessing to him, if it could ever happen.  
With a lazy hand, Gavin grabbed his mp3 player from the nightstand and flipped it on. Then he laid down fully, slipping on his headphones. The milky white ceiling slowly grew hazy, his body seemed to sink into the soft surface of the blanket, and Gavin felt a wave of calm wash over him like the tides of the sea.

***

Gavin awoke when he heard voices outside of his bedroom. He quickly pulled off his headphones and sat up, expecting his parents to walk through the door at any moment. It was then that he realized that he hadn't thought of a feasible explanation yet for why he skipped school in the middle of the day. His stomach did a little twirl, though it was the opposite of how butterflies flew about. _What do I tell them? That I was led away by the demon again, like I've been dreaming about for several years-oh, did I forget to tell you that as well?_  
The voices were getting louder, though they weren't clear yet. Gavin's thoughts halted in fear, and he frowned. His parents usually weren't the type to discuss things quietly and calmly. Their arguments about him (which tended to be most of them) were louder and always sounded more desperate, as if they were putting on a show for him each time. Sometimes he thought they were trying to cover up the fact that they were just tired by this point. Gavin stood up, feeling more alert since his brief nap. He walked over to the wall and leaned his head against it carefully, knowing how thin it was from countless sleepovers with Ray being interrupted by his dad's voice telling the two boys to be quiet.  
“What do you suggest I do then? Tie him up and toss him into the back of the truck?”  
The voice was unfamiliar, and completely unlike either of Gavin's parents'. Gavin's breath caught in his throat. _What?_  
“Well, it would be better than slinking around his house for hours. What's been taking you so long?” The other voice sounded more feminine to Gavin, with a cadence that he couldn't figure out whether it sounded brutish or playful.  
“The asshole came back earlier than expected. I had to hide until I thought the coast was clear!” The angry voice rose until it was more than a harsh whisper, and they were quickly ' _ssssh_ 'ed.  
The feminine voice sounded hurried. “What's he doing now?”  
A frustrated sigh seemed to explode from the other person. Gavin felt as if he should stop listening now, but he couldn't force himself to walk away. “Last time I checked, he had headphones on and was asleep.”  
“When was the last time you checked?”  
“...Lindsay, I-”  
“ _When_?” The other voice – Lindsay, if Gavin heard the name right – pressed.  
Another sigh echoed through the cold wall. “Like half an hour ago. I'm sure he's still asleep and oblivious, Lindsay. We've got everything we needed. We just need to leave before that hunter shows up again.”  
“Check on him again. I have an odd feeling...”  
Gavin swore silently. He scanned his room for any sort of weapon as the mad sounding voice responded with a huff, “Fine. Whatever. We'll see whether this feeling's worth our time or not.” Two soft pairs of footsteps echoed on the floor outside, growing closer and closer.  
Gavin fumbled and snatched the closest object to him as the doorknob shook and turned. His heart thumped erratically as he raised the object above his head. _Whatever you do, don't freeze._ He thought to himself determinedly, despite the intense fear coursing through his blood like electricity. Before he could prepare himself anymore, the door swung open and revealed the owners of the pair of voices.  
A boy with bouncy curls the color of autumn leaves stood in the doorway and peered around the room. Gavin quickly noticed how the boy's pale face was spattered with freckles like sunflower seeds, and the way that they seemed to swerve around his face when his expression changed, as if they were facial constellations. They seemed to spread apart drastically when the boy saw Gavin and his eyes widened.  
“What the hell?!”  
Gavin took advantage of the boy's surprise and dove forward to smack him with the picture frame he'd grabbed. He tried to aim for the boy's head, but the boy unexpectedly blocked the blow with a muscular arm. Glass shattered, spraying shards as sharp as needles around them.  
Gavin didn't realize he had been screaming until he stopped. He froze and felt the broken picture frame fall from his hands involuntarily. It was one thing to think about injuring someone, and an entirely different thing to actually do it, at least in Gavin's mind. He couldn't help but watch as the redhead boy swore vehemently and looked down at his arm. Thin streams of rose red blood flowed down it in tiny rivers, enough that Gavin knew the wounds most likely burned harshly rather than stung.  
Before Gavin remembered that there was another person there, he felt a rough hand grab his arm from behind and twist it painfully behind his back. He yelped and tried to move away, but the person's grip was a step above vice like. _That's definitely going to bruise_ , he thought with a groan.  
“What the hell did you do?” The person behind Gavin – whom Gavin now realized must be Lindsay, since she had the same voice as earlier – yelled right into his ear. Gavin winced.  
“Owww, _owww_. Shit,” the redhead boy muttered. He was still picking miniscule glass shards from his forearm. None of them were longer than his bitten fingernails, but there were a lot, and they left tiny cuts like pockmarks on the road of his arm when he pulled them out.  
“Are you okay, Michael?”  
“Yeah, yeah. I'm fine,” Michael raised his head slightly to glower at Gavin with rust colored eyes. “This little shit is sneakier than I gave him credit for, that's for sure.”  
Lindsay sighed wearily. Out of the corner of his eye, Gavin could see that she had long, silky hair the color of rubies and a round figure. Both of his attackers wore strange black clothing that looked as if it was partially silky and partially roughly sewn, like a mix between something you would wear for a fancy dinner date and something you would wear when going into a battlefield. “Well, we don't have a choice now, do we?. We have to take him in,” Lindsay said.  
“Take me in? Y-you're not taking going t-to take me anywhere!” Gavin raised his chin defiantly, but inwardly cursed himself for his shaky tone.  
Michael rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. 'W-we're n-not taking you a-anywhere'.” Michael laughed loudly after mocking Gavin's words, before turning to grab something from the small bag on his back.  
Gavin tried to slip from Lindsay's iron grip again, but when he leaned forward, the girl locked his feet in place with her own. Still, he shuffled and struggled desperately, gritting his teeth with the effort of it all as Lindsay chucked quietly behind him. Michael swore again as he rummaged around in the backpack's pockets, before suddenly shouting triumphantly. “Found it!” He pulled out a syringe filled with a strange, glowing lavender liquid that Gavin had no desire to come into contact with any time soon. The British boy squirmed and whimpered as Michael moved towards him.  
“Don't you dare put that in me, you bloody pleb!” Gavin yelled, twisting his neck away from Michael's hands and the syringe he held.  
Gavin heard Lindsay snort from behind him, and then she and Michael both burst into laughter. “Pleb? What the hell even is that?” Lindsay arched an eyebrow.  
Gavin felt embarrassment, fear, and anger all bubble through out him in a horrific way that he didn't even know was possible, and the feelings seemed to clog his throat when he tried to speak. “I-it's just- well, it's a-”  
“Too late,” Michael said, grabbing Gavin's head and holding it still as he inserted the needle of the syringe into Gavin's neck. Gavin's eyes widened, and he shoved the syringe away with his chin, but by then his world was already being enveloped by darkness and numbness. The last sounds he heard were those of Lindsay and Michael saying, “How is this guy going to survive in the lower floors?”  
“He won't.”

***

It was cold and quiet, and Gavin's mind began to adjust to reality. He was vividly reminded of what it felt like to be held in Ryan's cold, deathly arms, in a tiny graveyard in the middle of nowhere where time seemed to stand still. His eyelids felt as if they were being held down by a ton of lead, and he could sense the goosebumps raised all over his arms. His first thought was, _I really need to stop falling unconscious._  
Then Gavin managed to open his eyes and immediately saw familiar icy blue ones.  
“Ryan?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what was up with the formatting in this chapter. If anyone has any idea how to solve this issue, please tell me because this block of words just seems difficult to read. ._.


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